


I'm Ok

by StormyBear30



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:04:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared thinks he's ok.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Ok

"I'm ok" Jared said after Tomo announced to him one night that he didn't love him anymore and wanted to end their two year relationship. He felt anything but ok as he left Tomo's apartment, wondering what he had done wrong and how it was that the two year relationship seemed to have just fallen apart right before his eyes and he hadn't even noticed it.

"I'm ok" He said six months later when he was asked how he was doing by his brother after walking in on he and Tomo having sex in the studio late one night. He felt anything but ok as he once again wondered how something as huge as Shannon and Tomo falling for each other had happened right before his eyes and yet once again he hadn't even noticed it.

"I'm ok" He said nearly a year later as the man that he still loved and the brother that meant the world to him tied the knot in a civil ceremony in the back yard of his home as their friends and loved ones looked on. He felt anything but ok as the two stood before the alter, hands held together as they spoke words of love, devotion and a life forever spent together.

"I'm ok" He said later at the reception after two many shots of vodka and champaign as Tim practically dragged him back towards his bedroom, himself almost as drunk and not knowing or caring as he pawed and kissed the man he knew was straight. He was ready for the pounding he knew would come, ready for the pain that he hoped would over shadow the pain in his heart.

"I'm ok" He said to the reflection in the mirror several hours later as the formally straight Tim slept soundly in his bed after a night of wild and drunken animalistic fucking.

"I'm ok" He said when Tim became a permanent fixture in that bed as he tried to move past the hurt and the pain of Tomo's love, knowing that he would never be able to because Tomo was his everything and as far as he was concerned always would be.

I'm ok" He said to Shannon nine months later as he nursed a black eye after Tim found him mourning over some pictures of him and Tomo from years back. He hadn't told Shannon the entire truth as to why Tim had hit him out of fear that the other eye would be blackened as well because he knew how protective Shannon was when it came to Tomo and the love that they shared. .

"I'm ok" He said to himself as he sat on the floor in his kitchen, holding two frozen bags of vegetables to both his eyes after he fessed up and told the truth to Shannon. He couldn't blame Shannon for being angry at his words, but he sure as hell could blame him for taking away the only person who ever made him feel whole.

"I'm ok" He said to the drug dealer, ignoring the strange look that he gave him when all he wanted was the drugs he had to sell in order to really make him feel ok, at least for a little while. The drug use had started out as a simple time or two to take off the edge of pain, but as Shannon and Tomo continued to live their lives in bliss and Tim moved on, it took on a life form of its own until truth be told he really didn't know who he was anymore.

"I'm ok" He said as he laid in a hospital bed, his brother, Tomo and even Tim looking down at the broken and drugged out mess he had become. He could tell that they didn't believe him, but he ignored their looks of sadness and pity and tried to make himself believe his shallow words because even he didn't believe them anymore.

"I'm ok" He said a week later when he was driven to a rehab center by the same three people, determined to get past the mess he had built up in his life and get back on track with his life and goals.

"I'm ok" He said each time that they came to visit him, knowing once again that they knew he was lying, but it was easier to pretend that they didn't . Shannon and Tomo eventually gave up and stopped coming to visit. Tim however, he came week after week a look of determination in his eyes with each visit and one that was breaking Jared down more and more each time as well and as much as he hated Tim for being so damned determined, he loved him for it as well.

"I'm ok" He said one final time as Tim sat across from him in the tiny visiting room, but something told him that Tim's patience was at its limit and if he didn't stop lying to him and his self that he was going to lose everything for good and for some reason the idea of losing Tim from his life once again hurt him more then losing Tomo.

"I'm not ok" He finally spoke the truth, falling apart in Tim's arms as he clung to him out of fear of fading away now that the truth was out. He cried so hard that he could hardly move as Tim carried him to his private room and laid him on his bed. When he woke up Tim was gone and as much as he feared what those words might mean, he had to admit that he was starting to feel better that he had finally been able to say them.

"I'm ok" He whispered to the empty room when he woke up hours later and for the first time in a long time, he actually started to believe it.

The End…


End file.
